#06: what in the world is ‘wood milk’
and why haven't you heard about it?
*Quick disclaimer before I go into this story: I was vegan for about 9 years, but for the last two months I’ve been eating meat again. I think I’ve told everyone in person I needed to tell but if you’re reading this with your jaw on the floor, girl, I feel you! Being vegan was my everyday activism. I absolutely loved it, so there’s a grief in losing what was such a huge passion and part of my identity for almost all of my 20s, but I have my reasons. I’m still not eating dairy though, which is confusing to people, but I have my reasons for that too. Okay, back to the topic at hand.
Back in October, I was scrolling through Instagram when I came across a paid partnership ad Aubrey Plaza (Parks & Rec, White Lotus Season 2, etc.) did for Cointreau triple sec via her account, of which I am a follower. Similarly, a couple of weeks ago, I came across the Superbowl ad she did for Mountain Dew. I sent that post to a few friends, writing, “Aubrey Plaza really trying to bury Wood Milk.” As if that is a totally normal thing to say, until I got so many responses back that were like, “Wait, what is Wood Milk???”
who is she?
(If you’re able to watch the following video before reading on, I recommend for added context.)
I guess I came across this the same way I came across those Cointreau and Mountain Dew spots: by way of Aubrey Plaza’s Instagram. Nine months ago, Aubrey Plaza was hot off the tails of success from her roles in White Lotus and Emily the Criminal–but who didn’t already love Aubrey Plaza? So this reel from Aubrey Plaza’s account popped up on my feed one day. I’m watching it and, I swear, my first thought was like, “Ooh, Mahogany milk??” I wanted to try it! I mean, Potato Milk is a thing, so, sure, why not Wood Milk? Then I got scared it actually was a real product in case they were getting the wood from chopping down trees in the Amazon (even though, unfortunately, a ton of our daily products and foods, especially vegan products, use palm oil…which comes from the Amazon…so it’s nearly impossible to ever do anything right in this world.)
At first, it feels like a Portlandia sketch, or an SNL commercial parodying plant based milk commercials, poking fun at non-dairy drinkers in a way that would have them laughing and going, “Omg, that is so us, read to FILTH!” A light roast. But then, a turn…
To directly quote Aubrey Plaza’s line at the very end of the video:
“Is Wood Milk real? Absolutely not. Only real milk is real.”
*record scratch*
Only real milk is real?…
?…
Oh… Ohhhhhhh.
why is she?
So, yeah, it’s actually a Big Dairy campaign. You know, the people behind one of the greatest ad campaigns in history, ‘Got Milk?’; another marketing tactic made in response to a declining interest in dairy milk. In fact, the ‘Wood Milk’ campaign was created by the Milk Processor Education Program (MilkPEP), a milk industry marketing organization funded by milk processors and a national board – the same group behind ‘Got Milk?’! Only, this time, they’re not just responding to a declining interest in dairy milk, but to a lost fight to restrict non-dairy beverage products from using the word ‘milk’ as well. Oh, and the reason it feels like an SNL sketch? That’s because it was written by two SNL alumni (who I won’t name as it’s hard to be a writer and sometimes you gotta do stuff that seems harmless to pay the bills, so let’s be nice.) But, speaking of, comedy…
punching down
In joke-writing, there’s something called“punching up” and “punching down.” Andrew Unger describes the concept in this article about writing satire, specifically:
Everyone in society has differing degrees of power, that may vary depending on the situation. In most cases, humour that is directed from a person of lesser power to a person with greater power is seen as acceptable. (This is “punching up”.) Humour that is directed from a person with greater power to someone with lesser power is not generally as acceptable. (This is “punching down”.)
Like I said earlier, I’m eating meat again, I’m no saint, but I still think eating animals and the factory farming industry altogether is cruel. I believe most people would agree with that and would wish for animals to be treated humanely and live long, happy lives before their meeting their fate. Also, most of the people I know are really into at least one kind of non-dairy milk! So, why pick on them?
This is why I think if it had actually been an ad for a non-dairy product, I would have enjoyed it. Generally, self-deprecation/self-awareness plays to likability more. (Except for Oatly, whose ad copy I find to be a little too self-aware.)
Actually, when you look at the above examples, a lot of Oatly’s messaging from the get-go of their meteoric rise was so blatantly centered around denegrating dairy milk you could almost understand why Big Dairy’s response was to denegrate it right back. But when multiple statistics show that oat milk production uses about ten times less water than cow’s milk, and that plant-based milk has a smaller impact on water and land as well as carbon emissions compared to dairy milk overall, well, that’s when something like Wood Milk has a ‘punching down’ feeling to it. So, I don’t really sympathize. Even if Oatly continues to be a bit much…
‘wood milk’ criticism
I think one of the reasons why all this isn’t very well known is because there was such an immediate backlash. After Wood Milk launched and people came to the realization they were kinda gaslit into following a fake plant-based milk product, many took to the comments section, and they had words. I think you can still read some of the comments on the Wood Milk official Instagram account, but some may be hidden.
Another one of the reasons people were so ticked off was when they began pushing their merch, saying they partnered with OneTreePlanted and that if you bought one of their dumb shirts they’d eventually plant 10,000 trees? Greenwashing at its finest.
Aubrey Plaza’s collaborative posts were taken down from her personal account, but that didn’t stop people from expressing their disappointment on her other posts that had nothing to do with Wood Milk, forcing her to completely disable comments for a while. To this day, she’s never addressed Wood Milk, and I wonder if she ever will.
act III: et tu, Queen Latifah?
Just when you thought that was the end of the story, right?
Every now and then, I visit the Wood Milk instagram account just to see if it still exists, or if I hallucinated the whole thing. You’d think after what a huge flop it was they would have taken it down by now, but it does indeed still exist, in kind of a cursed way.
However, when I went to the account most recently, I noticed, after 7 months of silence, there was a NEW post, featuring… Queen Latifah???
They’ve pivoted. And they’ve pivoted HARD.
You can go see for yourself but, basically, they’ve created a new satire account on Instagram called “ok2milk”. Instead of bullying plant based milks, they’re now a resource center for victims of milk shaming.
Once again, the writing in it is actually really funny. I watched with my boyfriend and we laughed, because, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was someone out there who was “milk shamed”, and it’s very SNL sketch material! I like SNL!
From a marketing standpoint, it’s a slightly smarter move. Their website has an FAQ section and one of the questions is, “Is the earth round?” which, not gonna lie, I found funny. It’s clear what demographic they’re going for, and maybe they should have just leaned into that from the beginning, but all that’s me analyzing it from an advertising standpoint. My gut still thinks there’s a strange air of desparation and a creepiness to it. Especially when this is also in the FAQ section:
“To learn more about why milk is truly awesome and why you should be proud to drink it, click here.”
“Click here.” That. That right there. If this was all work from an artist with a specialty in social commentary on American values, I’d be like, damn, this is genius. I could appreciate it from that standpoint. But it isn’t social commentary. It’s just marketing playing on people’s identities, stirring up more division and playing the victim. Oh, and now, they’re selling THESE shirts, and donating $10,000 to an organization called “Stomp Out Bullying.”
Stomp out bullying?? Sir, what do you think you’re doing?
Well, going off their low number of followers and *checks notes* the 44 members on the “OK2MILK UNITED” Facebook Page, they still haven’t hit the mark.
final thoughts
Like, just… be dairy milk, and own it.
Have I always thought Chik-fil-A’s long-running campaign with the cow trying to get people to “eat mor chikin”–implying the cows’ lives would be spared in turn–incredibly dark and kinda fucked up? Yeah. But at least it isn’t trying to be something it’s not. Chik-fil-A isn’t saying they’re going to keep making chicken sandwiches but they’re also going to donate money to animal sanctuaries, you know? That would be antithetical, and, besides, they have their own ongoing issues.
And,f to be crystal clear, I think it’s fine if you drink milk, and in no way was my intention to shame anyone who does. Every body is different and you have your reasons! I’m not angry, and I’m no bully. I’m a copywriter with experience in advertising, and this was an exploration of a failed marketing campaign I found so fascinatingly frustrating and tone deaf and haven’t discussed with anyone really until now lol. I remember thinking surely there would be a number of video essays about it eventually to echo my thoughts, but, surprisingly, not really! So, thanks for reading, I hope you found it interesting too. I still follow Aubrey Plaza, by the way.
– Er 🌹